Ello Luv!
by WindCherry
Summary: A story in You format, but with a rather unusual plot you find yourself awoken to quite a surprise! Please read and review. Enjoy.
1. Persona Non Grata Unwelcome Person

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Title: 'Ello Luv!

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Author: WindCherry

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Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance?

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Disclaimer: A muse walks out, carrying a cardboard sign. Written in sharpie markers are the words: She doesn't own anything. Although it is an aspiration… 

We'll have to work on that....

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Chapter 1

You enter your house quietly as always, not wanting to disturb anyone - they were all asleep. Setting down your things on a table in your bedroom, you make yourself comfortable on your bed and stare at the ceiling. Or at least it looked like that was what you were doing. You were in fact hazily recalling the details of the movie you just went to see in theaters, _again_. 

You muse that for a Disney movie, it was rather impressive. _Then again, so were the actors, _you think to yourself and smile. You reminisce for a while longer and then start to grow tired.

Sitting up, you yawn and look at your clock. It was definitely late; nearing 12:30. Deciding that you are tired enough to turn in for the night, you make your way to the bathroom and brush your teeth, all the while imagining yourself on a Caribbean island far away, with a devilishly handsome pirate by your side. _Now there's something_ _I wouldn't object to,_ you think. With a contented sigh, you practically waltz back into your room, where you change into your favorite pajamas and climb into bed. Turning off the light, you lay back on your pillows and fall asleep muttering something about really bad eggs....

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*Thump*

The noise awakens you - but only slightly. Hovering somewhere in that pleasant space between sleep and awareness, you rationalize that it was just the family cat chasing something. That thought gets you going a little; it's never had to chase anything in _this_ house in all the years that you lived here. But you're tired and groggy and so you roll over and try to go back to sleep. _Just a mouse maybe..._ While not comforting in the least, your curiosity is partially sated and you begin to drift off again...

*_Thump*_

*Thump*

The sound is a little more profound this time, and a bit heavier. You find yourself wide-eyed and blinking into the darkness. You wonder just what kind of mouse it is, to sound so...big. Your sadistic imagination is all too happy to run away with that thought and images of six-legged frogs and two-headed turtles pops into your head. _Mutations..._

*_Thump*_

Your heartbeat quickens and you desperately peer into the darkness surrounding you. Pulling the blankets even closer in a feeble reach for comfort, you begin to make out a silhouette on your floor the size of a _very_ large dog. You gasp and whisper..."_godzilla mouse!"_

You could have sworn you just heard a "Beg pardon?" from the floor but giant mice don't talk, right? Another part of your brain chimes in that mice really don't grow to such proportions either. You ignore that though as the creature on your floor moves around a bit more and bumps into your dresser, *_thump*_. It appears to not have noticed you. Gathering all your remaining courage and your sadly frayed nerves, you reach out and click on the light. You gasp again as you take in the sight...you're speechless....

The mouse greets you. "Why 'ello, luv. Have ye seen me hat?"

To Be Continued...

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism and other such feedback is heartily welcome. So are suggestions...^_~


	2. Ecce Homo Behold the Man

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Title: 'Ello Luv!

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Author: WindCherry

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Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance?

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Disclaimer: The muse walks out, carrying a new cardboard sign. Written in sharpie marker are the words: She still doesn't _own_ anything, but she somehow has come into possession of one suave pirate by means which we will not elucidate. 

Eheh…that one needs work too…

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Last Chapter: You are startled from your sleep by odd noises, and are quite surprised when you find the source…

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Author's Note: Anyway, it was brought to my attention that last chapter I did not specify if it was Jack's room or yours that you woke up in. Sorry 'bout that. I figured turning on the light was enough and the "your floor" thing, but I'll be more specific from now on, hopefully. Also, I wanted something different so I went with the present rather than the 17th century. 

I took a shot in the dark at the date in this chapter, don't bite!

It was quite a pleasant surprise to see so many reviews! ^_^ My thanks extend to everyone! 

On with the story…do you guys even read Author's notes anyway?

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Chapter 2

"Your hat?" you copy softly, all the while staring shamelessly bug-eyed at the man on your floor. _No mouse, that one…_He was currently hunched under your desk. That would explain the banging you heard. _He must have hit his head a bit…What _was _he doing under there anyway? Oh yes, looking for…_

"Me hat, luv," he repeats, standing and waving a hand in front of your face. He seems a little miffed at your expression. Although somewhat dazed, you idly cast your eyes about the room, your gaze falling on a brown triangle sticking out of the pile of pillows you've accumulated. _That's interesting…wonder how it got there. _You look up again, at Jack. _More importantly, how did _he _get _here_?_

Jack notices his hat too. While you lapse off into a very stunned state of mind, he reaches over you and snatches it, stuffing it on his head once again. He appears more comfortable now, as he flashes you a roguish smile. 

You smile too, but not because of him. In fact, you haven't been aware of the pirate currently scouring you room, instead you've been mercilessly wracking your brain for a possible explanation for his very presence. You are grinning because you have reached an epiphany. _It's all a dream! _

You pinch yourself pretty hard, but nothing happens. _Oh well, it's a nice dream at least. I mind as well make the most of it._

You recap the current situation for your amusement. _I have Jack Sparrow, the cunning, debonair, amazingly handsome, beautiful, sexy, impressively drool worthy…_Finding yourself getting carried away, you stop there. You open your eyes and see him plundering through your dresser. Nonplussed, you decide to catch his attention before he finds things you would rather he not see, dreaming or not.

"Jack?" 

Nothing…

"_Jack?_" 

Still nothing…Somewhat put off, you try harder this time…

"_Jack Sparrow!"_

After removing his head from inside your drawer, he looks over to you. "_Captain_ Jack Sparrow, luv. But aye, that'd be me. Sorry to disregard you, thought ye were talkin' to yerself. You've been doin' that for a couple minutes straight…" He pauses and frowns slightly. "I don't recognize ye; how'd ye know me name?"

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It's a dream, you tell yourself, _play along._

"Oh well, it's a long story actually, " you reply. _Two hours and twenty minutes long, in fact_.

"Ah, ye've heard tell of me then," he answers, and seems pleased with this development. Jack swaggers slightly and plops down next to you, closes his eyes and reclines. 

You've never been one to pass up opportunities. You take in his appearance. _For a dream, he seems rather realistic…_ His brown hair, slightly twisted and past his shoulders, looks soft. This close to him, you can see the detailing in the medallions and beads adorning it. The red sash that you saw earlier was now obscured by his quirky hat that he wore. His kohl-lined eyes are startling when open – you could see a depth and intelligence far beyond what you would have expected for a man with his…unusual demeanor. You quickly scan his brown vest, billowy shirt and striped sash belted across his waist. His sword and wayward compass dangle from a strip of leather balanced on his hips. His pants and sandy boots look very well used. You are slowly beginning to realize that this may not be a dream.

"Jack…" you say, suddenly intrigued.

"Aye lass?" 

"You were looking through my dresser, Jack. Did you lose something else as well?"

"Well, I _did_ lose me coat, but I'll be damned if I look for it now." He rubs his head slightly, "I've still got a headache from me other expedition." 

"You were looking for your coat then?" You are slightly suspicious, he seems to be evading something.

"No, actually. I was browsing. To see if ye had any rum, lass." He justifies, "I'm parched."

As tired as you now are, it's only natural for you to blow things out of proportion. 

"If I had _rum?_" you ask, incredulous that he would even entertain the idea to look through your things for _alcohol…like you would even think of opening a bottle at this hour…_

"Don't get all frothing, luv. I would have gotten me own, but it's in me coat pocket. And like I said…I'll be damned if…"

"Jack Sparrow! " you cry, "have you _any _idea what time it is?" You glance at your grandfather clock. "Three-thirty in the morning, Jack! And you want alcohol? Why you would even think that I would keep it in my drawers is beyond me, but…"

You trail off, yawning. He was still reclining on your bed, but had now pulled his hat down over his eyes. "G'night then, lass. Wake me in the morning." 

Exhausted, you were about to wish him goodnight as well, but you brush against his boot and realize…_he's solid!_ _Solid as in real. Real as in, I'm not dreaming!!!!? _You sit bolt upright and ask "Jack, do you know where you are?"

"Mmmm…in bed?" he guesses. Pausing, he opens one eye to look at you. "Lass, sorry to disappoint, but if ye are expectin' anything 'interesting', I'm too tired at the moment…" 

Growling lightly in annoyance, you take another shot. "Jack, do you know the year?"

"'Course luv. It's 1654."

You wince. "Captain," you say softly, "I'm afraid you're mistaken. This is the twenty-first century. You are almost four-hundred years off."

Startled, he sits up and blinks at you. Slowly, he absorbs your odd clothing, the light, the computer and other foreign accessories he had overlooked in his nonchalance. 

"Beg pardon, luv?" he croaks.

Grimacing, you rub your temples and sigh." Perhaps the alcohol _would _have been the wisest choice…"

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Author's Note: Jack's character and personality change like the wind. Therefore, he is deceptively difficult to gauge correctly. I've not see two authors capture him in the same manner twice. I'm trying hard here, but helpful pointers would be quite appreciated. Thank you! ^-^

Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism and other such feedback are heartily welcome. So are suggestions...^_~


	3. In Vino Veritas In Wine There Is Truth

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Title: 'Ello Luv!

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Author: WindCherry

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Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance?

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Disclaimer: The muse walks out, carrying a Styrofoam sign (recent cutbacks). Written in blue sharpie marker are the words: Currently she owns nothing but a vanilla scented candle that's mocking her for all the work she has to do. 

Well…it's true at least…

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Last Chapter: You find the debonair Capt'n Sparrow in you room…Wait…_What?_

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Author's Note: AHH! I'm **so **sorry for the delay! School started, and I stupidly took more college courses than I should have, since I'm not even in college yet! Everything snowballed and I've been up until two in the morning finishing my work, and balancing my job and sleep in between. It's all died down now, but I hope you can forgive me! ^^

*Blinks repeatedly while staring at reviews*…WOW! How did that happen? Thank you all so much! *Smiles widely*

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Chapter 3

While you're musing over graceful ways to break such news, Jack mood changes from startled to serious very quickly. 

He rises from the bed and looms over you…rather menacingly if you were any judge of body language. He steps closer - smile foreboding - and his hand comes to rest on his pistol before he addresses you.

"Now luv, don't get me wrong, this teté a teté has been enchanting and all, but I've no time for games. Places to go, people to see, Commodores to rile…" At this point, Jack leans in close and draws his pistol, waving it half-casually around under your nose. You can't help but notice how the black gun smells strongly of salt and perhaps something darker, and that the lights cast sinister shadows on the pirate's face. You shiver.

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This certainly isn't a dream. No dream of mine would exchange one happy, sexy pirate for a hellish demon of a man. What ever happened to that damn mouse?!

"Listen closely darlin'; I'm not gonna repeat myself. Tell me where I am, and where the nearest port is, and I'll be out of your way, injustices forgotten." He nudges your chin slightly with the barrel of the pistol for emphasis, and his chocolate eyes are grim and intense as he continues. "But don't lie to me lass. I may be a pirate an' all, but I'm far from daft. I won't swallow just any tale you spin, and if ye don't tell me true, then _other _means of persuasion can be arranged. Savvy?"

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Wouldn't make much of a psychiatrist, would he? You mentally snarl. _What do I say now? He thinks the truth is a lie, and any lie I tell is still a lie…so no matter what I say I'm lying! Argh! _Frustrated, you scowl. _Being vague is always a good method, though…_

"You're in my house." You say with finality.

Jack glowers at you, "Don't play games, luv…I'm warnin' ye."

"Well, you asked where you were, so I told you. You're in my house. And as for the nearest _port, _I have absolutely no idea where one is, never mind the _closest_ one." 

As you speak, you gesticulate ferociously in hopes of convincing yourself as much as him. You do know where _some_ ports are, but places like Boston Harbor are stupid to even suggest…_It's not like the Pearl would be there anyway._

Jack straightens. "What's behind your house lass?" 

"Sorry? What was that?" you inquire, thoroughly thrown off at the abrupt change of topic.

"Behind you house, lass. What's behind your house?" He repeats himself slowly, treating you as he would a recalcitrant child. You find yourself getting aggravated.

"Woods, what else?" You snap back, glaring because of his capriciousness. 

"Is that all?" He asks of you.

You force a "_yes_" between your clenched teeth. _Where's the bright light and wooden chair in the corner? _You think sardonically. _Interrogation time, anyone?_

"And ye have spirits in the house?" 

"_What?! _Last time I checked, Jack, this wasn't an _exorcism_! No! There aren't ghosts in the house!" 

_What the heck is he thinking???_

Jack cocks his head and laughs, and you just stare at him. _No, he's not daft; he's entirely psychotic…_

Wiping a tear from his eye, he smiles at you, genuinely. "Oh luv, not apparitions, _alcohol. _ Do ye have any wine, brandy…rum?"

You ponder what to tell him. _Woods and wine…now what does that equate to? _Your wayward imagination once again runs away with a stray though, and viciously reminds you of homicidal maniacs burying or burning their victims in the leaves, and alcohol was always good for starting fires. _ I could say we don't have any, but I'd have to lie…what if he knows I'm lying??? _

Anyway, you can't picture Jack cackling maniacally and setting fire to bodies in the deep forest. Well, maybe you can…but that's not important. You decide to tell the truth.

"Yes." 

"Ah, now that's just what I wanted to hear. Lead the way to it!" He looks happier now, or at least, less hostile. Jack snags your wrist and stands you upright, propelling you toward the door. Before you reach it though, he stops behind you, positioned close enough so that his breath warms the base of your neck. You feel you hair rise involuntarily.

"Don't do anythin' foolish luv - like wake the family. Wouldn't want to get violent, now would we?" He whispers in your ear.

Your first instinct is to think this an idle threat, but, upon realizing just how dangerously close Jack is hovering by you, you realize that it would be best to stay silent. So without mishap you lead the way to the kitchen, where your parent's special vintages are kept. Jack proprietorrially grabs six bottles, and then thinks twice and goes back for two more. You roll your eyes. _Drunken sot._

Hands and arms filled with liquor, Jack turns to you and gestures for you to move on…outside. "Jack! You're not _seriously_ going to steal that many, are you?"

"Commandeer darlin', commandeer. And yes, I think I will." He flashes another dastardly smile.

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Semantics… You inwardly sigh, _This was going to be a long night_. 

You escort him across your backyard in the darkness, and right before you enter the woods you ask him, "Jack, just what are you planning to do to me?"

"_In vino veritas_, luv." He retorts. "In wine there is truth_"_

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In other words, he plans on getting me extraordinarily drunk…

Wonderful…

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Author's Note: A bit of friction in this chapter, huh? Sorry about the plot…(if you don't like it), though I hope that you do. I've honestly no set idea where I'm going with this - it's definitely a fly-by-night kind of thing. Suggestions and comments are always welcome! Thanks for reading!!!

For reasons previously mentioned in the Author's Note, please remember that updates will be a little more infrequent. I apologize in advance for any delay, and am willing to listen to and answer anything discrepancies or questions that you guys want to throw at me, as long as it's civil. ^_~


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